A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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