I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
