worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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