When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
