imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
