Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
