Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
