hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Randomize
