I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
