You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
