i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
