My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
