somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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