dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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