This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
