My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
