I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
