Christians are straight up FREAKS
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
