Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
