tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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