Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
