I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
