i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
