"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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