You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
