he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
