All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
