My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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