Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
