i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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