ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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