she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
