direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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