There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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