i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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