I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
