I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
