your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
