you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
