Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
