i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
