ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
People in love make me want to vomit
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
