kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
