I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
