i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
