Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
