One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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