I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
