I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
