i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
