halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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