OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
