hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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