Did you just see the Batmobile???
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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