He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
