at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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